What I'm Thankful For...

This year I am most thankful for my new nephew Elijah who was born 2 months premature and not only survived but is as huge and healthy as can be.

I am also continuing thankful for my 18 month old niece Jocelyn who is attempting to learn 3 languages at once; English, Spanish, and whatever it is my brother speaks(a weird mixture of English, Spanish, slang, jibberish, and animated movie quotes).

I never thought two humans can have such an impact on my life and how I view the world.

And of course, Biscuit.

I'm also thankful for...












YOENIS CESPEDES!

A Year too Early...

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert…on anything.  I am just an A’s fan who loves talking about the A’s.  So if you find yourself shaking your head at my amateur ramblings or wondering why I even bother in the first place then please move along, move along.  If, however, you are like me and just love talking about the A’s then, by all means, welcome aboard! 

Some quick thoughts on yesterday's trade between the A's and the Padres...

The Players:
Tyson Ross- Billy Beane has always said it is better to trade a player a year too early than a year too late and I think this applies to Mr. Ross. While still young enough to have some projection left, another year like this last season(injuries, general ineffectiveness) and he would of all but destroyed his status.

A.J. Kirby-Jones- A short, squatty 1st baseman with a little pop in his bat.

Andy Parrino- Solid, switch hitting infield prospect who can play SS, 2nd, and 3rd.  Sound familiar? He displayed good OBP skills in the minors.

Andrew Werner- Soft tossing lefty starter. Made to pitch for the A's.

What does it all mean?
    Billy was smart to move Ross before he lost all his shine and managed to pick up a potential starting SS and another lefty starting pitcher to provide depth in the rotation.  Kirby-Jones was fun to root for in Stockton(Cal League) but doesn't really profile to be a big league 1st baseman.  I like him and hope he proves everybody wrong.

Bye-Bye Penny...

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert…on anything.  I am just an A’s fan who loves talking about the A’s.  So if you find yourself shaking your head at my amateur ramblings or wondering why I even bother in the first place then please move along, move along.  If, however, you are like me and just love talking about the A’s then, by all means, welcome aboard! 


                                           “It’s not my job to put fannies in the seats.”
                                                    - Billy Beane
     We will come back to that quote a little later but for now let’s talk trade! Today the A’s traded Cliff Pennington and Yordy Cabrera to the D-Backs for Chris Young.
The Players!
Cliff Pennington- Ahh, Penny.  The A’s 1st round pick (21 overall) of the 2005 amateur draft.  He was a switch hitting SS who never quite came into his own despite some positive line drive rates and a strong throwing arm.  It got so bad that the A’s were forced to go out and trade for Stephen Drew with these same D-Backs.  Pennington then moved to 2nd where, to his credit, he responded professionally and even had his strongest offensive showing of the season(which still isn’t saying much) while covering the other side of the infield.  He is still considered an above-average defensive SS but the move to 2nd is inevitable.

Yordy Cabrera- 2nd round draft pick of the A’s in 2010.  Yordy was an older*(19) high school senior when the A’s took him in the second round.  Though he played some SS his future in the bigs would have to be at 3rd as his already large physique feels out.  Yordy never developed any of the power that was expected of him, struggling even in the hitter friendly Cal League playing for the Ports, although he has had some injuries that slowed his development. Note: D-Backs then traded Yordy to the Marlins for Heath Bell.

Chris Young-  29 year old centerfielder who has had some impressive seasons, as well as some…less than impressive seasons.  He has definite power, especially for a centerfielder, but will have his share of K’s and  OBP issues.  Clearly the best player in the deal.


But what does it all mean?
     Did anybody really think the A's were going into the next season with the exact same team?  Or close to it?  If you have been following the Billy Beane era at all then you know that for Billy, nothing is ever "good enough".  If there is a way for him to strengthen the team, whether it is real or imaginary, he will do it.  This trade definitely should strengthen the A’s, but this will not happen without consequences. Since we are still in October, anything and everything must be considered pure speculation.
     Lets start with the infield.  By trading away Penny the A’s re-open up the 2nd base position while leaving SS without much depth.  Unless there is another deal to be had, the A’s will almost have to bring back Drew for next season.  There really isn’t anybody in the high minors that is ready to step up and play SS for a playoff caliber team.  Grant Green might do in a pinch but I feel that ship has sailed.  As for 2nd, Beane has already stated that Scott Sizemore will be next year’s 2nd baseman but that is in no way set in stone.  Jemile Weeks is still young enough and talented enough to reclaim the position.  There is also Green who could steal the spot from both Sizemore and Weeks.  I think Beane is playing it coy letting the youngsters know he is ready to move on without them.  Yordy was once considered a future heir apparent at 3rd  but his struggles along with the arrival of Addison Russell, Daniel Robertson, and Renato Nunez leave him expendable.
     With the acquisition of Chris Young, the Oakland outfield will have some sorting out to do.  Remember that quote from the beginning?  Beane said that at the 2003 Fan Fest Q&A when we were discussing bringing back Rickey*.  A lady was arguing for the return of Rickey while Beane was trying explain why it wasn’t in the cards.  She finally stated “Rickey will put fannies in the seats!”  Beane’s reply, the aforementioned quote.  What does that quote have to do with today's trade? Because four of last year's outfielders(Josh Reddick, Yoenis Cespedes, Coco Crisp, and Jonny Gomes) all happen to be fan favorites.  And nobody, myself included, wants to see their favorite go.  Cespedes, Crisp, and Reddick are still signed with the A's while Gomes is a free agent.  All four were major contributors to one of the most exciting A's teams I have ever had the pleasure of rooting for.  I was hoping all four would be back for 2013.  Not to mention Seth Smith, Colin Cowgill, Michael Taylor, and Grant Green.  Chris Young makes things complicated.



older*- For a fascinating look at draft ages, check out these Baseball Prospectus articles: http://www.baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=15295
http://www.baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=15306

Rickey*- If you need to ask "Rickey who?" then you are definitely on the wrong site...and go hit your head on a wall for asking such an asinine question.

It's been awhile...

I haven't forgotten about my...whatever it is that you would call this(I feel blog would be an insult to real bloggers*) but from mid-July(notice my last post date) to the end of October I work 7 days a week 9-12 hours a day.  And when I start working that schedule I pretty much become physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually drained to the point that I can't find the energy to do much of anything but eat, sleep, and shi...go to work. Today is the 83 straight day I have worked with only a couple of half days off due to illness or A's games sprinkled in here and there. Why am I telling you this? Not so you will feel sorry for me, this is the life and job I chose and have no regrets, but so that if anyone who is curious(Hello? Anybody?) understands why Junior College Dropout hasn't been updated since well, mid-July. Thank you.


*bloggers- I discovered it takes a real dedication to keep a blog running day in and day out. I salute all the bloggers out there who keep their flame lit and shining bright, I wish I had your passion.

The A's and Upton

     Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert…on anything.  I am just an A’s fan who loves talking about the A’s.  So if you find yourself shaking your head at my amateur ramblings or wondering why I even bother in the first place then please move along, move along.  If, however, you are like me and just love talking about the A’s then, by all means, welcome aboard! 

     When word got out that Justin Upton took the Oakland A's off his no-trade list it sent a disturbance through the force.  Immediately dreams were made and scenarios were thought up to see if the Green and Gold could land the 24 year old outfielder from the Arizona Diamondbacks.  While some question why would we have need for another outfielder, especially one who thus far is not performing all that well, I quickly envisioned an Upton-Cespedes-Reddick outfield and felt positively giddy at the thought*.  Even though the A's are currently baseball's hottest team, within 0.5 games of the wildcard, and have put on a pretty impressive offensive display the last 10 games or so I still feel going after a player such as Upton would be a wise choice.  Of course in order to land Upton we would have to do two things; one is to trade the D-Backs enough value to receive Upton in return and two, clear up an outfield position so Upton could be made a starter.

    To receive Upton the A's do not line up real well with the D-Backs.  The D-Backs are seeking SS and 3rd base help the same as the A's but that doesn't mean a trade couldn't happen or that a third party, something Billy Beane used to excel in doing*, could enter the picture to help facilitate the trade.  Even though no one is technically "untouchable" with Beane there are a few names I feel the A's would be reluctant to deal:

Jarrod Parker- We just got him from the D-Backs and so far he is proving his worth.  A rotation cornerstone now and for the future. 

Josh Reddick- The A's finally have a middle of the order bat who is young and under team control.  Trading him for Upton would be counter-productive, a lateral move at best.

Yoenis Cespedes- Health so far is the only thing keeping him from being a super-star, and for only $36 million over 4 years.

Derek Norris- As much as it pains me to admit, Kurt Suzuki is on his way out and Norris is the team's only in house option at this point.  

Jemile Weeks- Young, gifted, and cheap.  Is going  to be part of the winning core for now and the future.

     Everybody else in the A's franchise is very much on the trade list and could be part of any deal.  The problem however is that the Rangers and the Pirates have also expressed interest.  While the A's can't match them in terms of top prospects(Jurickson Profar, Mike Olt, Gerrit Cole, and James Taillon) both the Rangers and the Pirates have said they do not intend on trading any of those prospects but will offer from a lesser pool of talent instead.  That means the A's can be involved in the discussions. 

     The other part of any deal for Upton would require the clearing up of an outfield position.  I am confident that both Cespedes and Reddick are locked into the OF so that leaves guys like Seth Smith, Jonny Gomes, Collin Cowgill, and Coco Crisp on the cuff.  Gomes makes for a great bench bat and spot outfielder while Cowgill is young, can play all three OF positions, and is solid at the plate as well.  So I think those guys would round out the OF picture for the A's.  Smith and Crisp however are proving that they deserve to start so they might be the ones that need to be moved so Upton can start.  Crisp is short term and would be a welcome addition to any of the other contenders but Smith is a different story.  Right now Smith is having a better season than Upton and is still under team control through 2014, only one year less than Upton, 2015.  So why trade for Upton when you already have Smith?  The answer is age and ceiling.  Upton is only 24 years old(5 years younger than Smith) and some still project him to be a super star OF while what you see with Smith right now is what you are going to get during his peak.  So it is the classic probability vs. projection.  Do you keep the solid, steady production of Smith or do you go for the potential All-Star in Upton*?

*at the thought- I had also just read Joe Sheehan's excellent newsletter story about Upton.  I strongly recommend Sheehan's newsletter to all baseball fans, keep in mind that you do have to pay for it. 

*excel in doing- Way back in the day, Beane was known for what we used to call his "Fuckin' A" trades.  Usually mid-season and usually involving as many teams as he could get on the phone.

*All-Star in Upton- Remember, Upton has already had a 3.8 bWAR season in 2009 and a 5.7 bWAR season in 2011.  Smith's best year so far, a 2.2 bWAR in 2009.  Stats courtesy of Baseball Reference.

What Killed the 4th of July

    This is a long post* so bear with me...

     The 4th of July used to be my parents big yearly party.  They would invite friends and family over for swimming, BBQing, cocktail drinking, and of course a huge fireworks display once the sun went down.  We never had any ruckus or bad vibes, just people enjoying a hot July day and each other's company.  All of that is over now.  Why?  Because meth heads and pot heads* do not mix.  Let me explain.  My parent's neighborhood is a solid, working class neighborhood.  Everybody works hard, plays hard, and respects each other's boundaries with little to no crime rate.  All except two of the houses on my parent's block, each house two down from my parents on the left and on the right. One house is occupied with meth heads, the other occupied with pot heads, and meth heads and pot heads do not mix.

      A little back story on the two rivals.  The meth head family has lived on the block for as long as can remember.  I went to school with two of the daughters and they are three generations strong living in that one house.  The pot head family moved in about ten years ago and immediately began feuding with the meth family.  They steal from each other, vandalize each other, and when they are feeling extra rambunctious, they will stand out in the middle of the street and yell expletives at each other.  At any time of the day or night. All of this with my parent's house stuck right smack dab in the middle.  It has gotten so bad that my parents and their other neighbor had to install video surveillance.  The police have been over several times to watch footage including the stealing of mail by the meth family kids and the pot family kids scratching up cars with their bikes.  Notice I never brought up fighting?  That is because neither family has the nerve to actually engage the other, all they want to do is continue with their silly war of words and subtle espionage.  Unfortunately, the 4th of July brings out the worse.

     On Independence Day, the pots likes to close off their section of the block.  It is perfectly legal as they always get the correct permits and so forth.  By blocking off their section they also get to throw bigger parties.  So now we just don't have the pot family but also all their friends and family, and they love nothing more than smoking pot, drinking Coors Light, and blowing things up real good with illegal fireworks*.  Pot + Coors Light + explosives = White Trash Heaven!  The pots love their illegals, they even play a little game with the police.  First, the pot family will shoot off their BOOM! mortars.  Then the police helicopter will come around to investigate.  The pots will begin their whistle warning system so everybody stops doing anything the cops might not like.  As the copter hovers overhead, the pots will laugh and ridicule it for being police.  You know clever stuff like "Look! Pigs can fly!" and "One of these days I am going to blow that copter up!".  Just some good natured ribbing.  After the copter leaves the pot family goes back to White Trash Heaven.  Also part of White Trash Heaven are what we call the "UFC Boyz"*.  The UFC Boyz love to stand in the street and practice their UFC moves on one another.  So imagine a group of skinny, tattooed, white boys.  Each one wearing jorts and a wife beater.  They are drinking Coors Light and smoking various forms of cigarettes.  And to top it off, they enjoy taking each other down with moves they think they have mastered because they have seen it on the TV in a cage fight.  Good times?  Nay, Great times!  The meths, meanwhile, pretty much keep to themselves.  Because of the two drug families and the problems that they caused, my parent's annual party was reduced to just me, my sister, and my brother, his wife, and his step-daughter.  No one else wants to come around because of the neighbors.  What was once a glorious time is now just a night of trying to keep the cars and house from blowing up.

     Two years ago, things got out of hand.  The day started as normal as White Trash Heaven could start.  The meths were down at their house doing meth things, and the pots had their section of block closed off to traffic.  Well this year one of the lost daughters of the meths showed up on the back of a Harley on the wrong side of the block closure.  Not wanting to take the long trip around the block, they decided they were going to drive right through the middle of the pots' White Trash Heaven.  Of course the pots were going to get mad, in fact, one of them threw a bottle at the meth daughter as she rode through.  When she got to the meths and told what had happened, one of the braver meths decided to do something about it.  Of course he went as far as my parent's home to do something about it.  He stood in front of my parent's home calling out to the pots two houses down.  The leader of the pots is a bald, beer-bellied simpleton who reminds me of a mean Homer Simpson.  Mean Homer decided that smoking pot, drinking Coors light, and blowing things up was funner than arguing with a meth so he took the high road* and ignored the meth.  His wife on the other hand, Perpetually Drunk Mom(PDM), thought otherwise.  She wanted some extra excitement for White Trash Heaven, so she and her two friends walk over to the meth standing in front of my parent's house to have a little confrontation.

     So now there is a meth(male) and three pots(female) standing in front of my parent's house yelling pleasantries at each other, and PDM was winning the battle of vulgarities.  The rest of the meths noticed that the one brave meth was losing his ground so they came over to re-enforce the meth front.  Now the middle meth daughter, Prostitute Meth(PM), was in a face to face war of words with PDM.  PM was giving PDM more than what she could handle so PDM decided to pull out the big gun*, she lifted up her dress, sans underwear, and told PM that she would give her $10 to "lick my c***!".  It was at this moment that my brother took his wife and step-daughter and went home*.  This, for some reason, really riled up the meths and they surrounded PDM ready to actually put down a beating.  PDM's friends called out for the UFC Boyz who quickly run over looking for a spot to build a cage just in case they need to whoop some ass.  As the confrontation grows word gets over to Mean Homer that his wife,PDM, is flashing the enemy.  He is not happy with this.  Apparently only he can look at the goods, selfish!  Meanwhile, no one has yet to get physical, even the UFC Boyz are more concerned about where to put up their cage than they are about actually testing their skill for real.  All of this is still happening in front of my parent's home.  As Mean Homer is slowly walking over, PDM again decides to pull out the big gun* and runs into her house.  Now Mean Homer is really concerned.  If PDM comes out with a gun and gets herself into trouble who is going to get drunk and ignore his kids? He can't do it alone.  So Mean Homer goes into the house as well and, we assume, explains to PDM who is in charge of White Trash Heaven because we do not see PDM for the rest of the night*.

     So with PDM gone, the UFC Boyz failing to construct a steel cage, and the meths starting to come down, the almost riot is extinguished but the damage has been done.  What was left of my family has either left or gone inside to never light fireworks again*.  My sister and I stay outside to finish lighting off what fireworks we had left.  About an hour later the cops show up asking where the gun is and who was threatening to use it.  Again, all of this is taking place in front of my parents home.  We play dumb, not wanting to cause any more trouble for my parents, and tell them it was only a battle of words, which it actually was.  After the police leave a couple of the braver UFC Boyz are angry that the cops were called in the first place.  So they chase what is left of the meth's party into the meth house threatening to build a steel cage and put the meths in it if they come back outside.  This brings the cops back out.  My sister and I lose any patience we had left and go inside instead of dealing with the commotion out in the street, which of course is once again happening in front of my parent's home.  The cops leave, the meths go to crash for three days, and White Trash Heaven continues well into the night and early the next morning and every 4th of July since.  This is what killed the 4th of July for me and my family.

*post- I swear all events in this post are true, only the names of the parties involved are fabrications.

*pot heads- Before you get all preachy about how pot only mellows people out and doesn't do anyone any harm, I invite you to come observe my parent's neighbors.

*illegal fireworks- They don't like the type that shoot up in the air and make pretty showers of sparks.  No, they only like the kind that go BOOM! and set off car alarms.

*"UFC Boyz"- I feel that the UFC's greatest contribution to American culture is giving white boys everywhere a whole new level of confidence in street fighting.  And notice I said "UFC" and not "MMA".  All UFC is MMA but not all MMA is UFC.  I have a healthy respect for MMA(I used to love Pride) but do not care for what is the bastardization of MMA by Dana White, UFC.

*high road- Yeah, the pun was intended!

*big gun- Not literally this time.

*step-daughter home- They haven't been back over for the 4th since.

*big gun- This time quite literally.

*rest of the night- That's right sweetie, sleep it off, tomorrow's another big day.

*light fireworks again- My parents and sister also refuse to go anywhere else for the 4th because they are afraid to leave their home unattended among the illegal fireworks.

The Wire Season 6: Playball!

So for the past week or so I have been re-watching the excellent TV series The Wire and the other night while watching a baseball game a thought occurred; what would a baseball team created only with characters from The Wire look like?  So without further ado, here is what I came up with.

Starting Pitcher: Ellis Carver .  He starts out as a young gun relying on pure physical stuff to try and dominate the players but over time he learns how to harness his ability and use his head as well as his arm becoming a complete player.

Catcher: Thomas "Herc" Hauk.  Who else is Carver going to trust behind the plate?  They were brought up together and formed that special pitcher/catcher relationship that only the good ones ever develop. Besides, doesn't Herc just look like someone who ought to be catching?  Grinds out at bats so well that announcers can't help but to call him "scrappy".

1st base: Slim Charles.  You need the big man enforcing if you want to keep that corner unoccupied.  He is, what the old timers call, a gamer: "Game's the same, just got more fierce.".  That's a heavy hitter you want  in the middle of your line up.

2nd base:  Preston "Bodie" Broadus.  Not quite powerful enough to hold one of the corner positions on his own but slick and quick enough to help man the middle.  A true homegrown player, a road trip to Philly was his first time out of Baltimore.  Grinds out at bats so well that announcers can't help but to call him "athletic".

3rd base: Dennis "Cutty" Wise.  Was out of the game for a while but his name used to ring out so they brought him back to try and help Slim with those corners.  Still has fast hands and great foot work as a hitter but there are questions about his desire to follow through.

SS: Omar Little.  The baddest player in the game mans the toughest position in the game.  Defensively, his foot work is so smooth that he seems to appear out of nowhere to stop the play and his powerful arm has been compared to a .45.  Offensively, he specializes in the hit and run as he sprays bullets all over the field and can explode out of the batter's box like a shotgun.  By the way, if you are having thoughts about taking him out to break up the double play just keep in mind,"If you come at the king, you best not miss".

Left field: D'Angelo "D" Barksdale.  Some say he is only there because of nepotism but he is a solid player in his own right who just wishes he could move out of  left field and into center to be closer to his uncle.  Makes the plays when he has to but can sometimes take bad routes or make the wrong decision on how to handle something that is hit directly over his head.  Can be solid at the plate but often over thinks it and starts chasing out of the zone.

Center field: Russell "Stringer" Bell.  So smooth and precise in his positioning and route running that sometimes he makes it look too easy.  An intelligent defender who often has to make up for the periodic out of control play of his outfield mates.  He is the most patient batter on the team as he knows all he has to do is wait for his pitch and big things will follow.

Right field: Avon Barksdale.  Is the best player in the outfield and should be in center but you know, he is just a gangsta I suppose... and he wants his corner outfield spot.  Is quick with the bat but sometimes needs a pinch hitter like Anton "Stinkum" Artis  or Roland "Wee-Bey" Brice to do his heavy hitting for him.

Closer: Marlo "Black" Stanfield.  A young player who comes in at the end to take over the game but in order for him to do that...

Set up men(woman): Chris Partlow & Snoop Pearson.  They are the ones who come in when the game is on the line and clear out the situation so Marlo can come in at the end and take all the credit and the money.

Utility player: Leander Sydnor.  Always there on the bench in case you need him for something.

Manager: Jimmy McNulty.  Nobody knows how to manipulate the players better than McNulty.  As a bonus, the team can have a daily contest to "Guess which inning McNulty gets thrown out!".

Bench coach: Bunk Moreland.  Always gets stuck cleaning up McNulty's messes.  The two can communicate through the whole game just by saying various tones of "Mother Fucker".

Pitching coach: Howard "Bunny" Colvin.  Was instrumental in getting Carver to become the complete package.  Set up a bull pen area away from the fans.

Hitting coach: Kima Greggs.  Had to put her somewhere.

Conditioning coach: Cedric Daniels.  Seriously, have you seen his abs?

GM: Proposition Joe Stewart.  "Fools, if it wasn't for Sabean here, you and your back up catcher both would be cadaverous motherfuckers.  But I traded you to the Giants.".

Asst. GM: Lester Freamon.  By constantly listening to all the outside chatter he tells the team which players to go after.

Stats guy: Roland "Prez" Pryzbylewski.  Is really good at number puzzles and math.  Besides, he married the owner's daughter.

Owner: Stan Valchek.  White, old school, old man who's ego keeps getting in the way of what has to be done.  Did I mention he is white?

Other MLB type jobs for The Wire characters:

The baseball Commissioner: Tommy Carcetti.  Brought in to help make baseball the American Pastime again.

Head of the Players Association: Frank Sobotka.  He only wants what is best for his guys.

The tweet-loving wife of the manager: Beadie Russell. @mrsMcNulty.

The hot hitting prospect: Michael Lee.  Only a matter of time before he takes over.

The mega-agent: Clay Davis.  "You want my guy to give a hometown discount, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!".

The asshole lawyer who owns a team that claims to have the territorial rights to all the rich counties in a given market: Maury Levy.  "...kill all the lawyers." -Shakespeare Henry VI.

The guy who goes around collecting all the used "souvenir" cups to sell them at a flea market later: Bubbles.

The kid who wants to buy those used "souvenir" cups at the flea market: Duquan "Dukie" Weems.

How Not to Answer at your Job Interview

   This interview actually happened today.  I was interviewing people to work during our harvest season at the winery I am a foreman at.  Everything said is true but I changed the names in order to protect the stupid.  Final note, I am younger than John, which seemed to bother him.


Me(interviewer): Have you worked at a winery before?
John(interviewee): Let me ask you something?
Me: Go ahead.
John: Have you ever worked at a winery before?
Me(smiling): I work at this winery(I pointed with a downward motion).
John(looking exasperated): No, I mean work at a winery?
Me(no longer smiling): Yes, I am the lead foreman for the cellar department at this winery.
John(sarcastically): But all you do is sit in an air conditioned office all day?
Me: No, I am a working foreman.
John(very smug look on his face): Well I have 12 years of winery experience.
Me: Well I have 20(which is true). (John's smug look disappears)
John: I don't really want to be here.
Me: Then why are you here?
John: I want to work at (our other facility), I don't want any of that union bullshit(our other facility is non-union while we are union).
Me(still no longer smiling): I don't think that will be a problem.  Look, I will write "send him to (other place)" on your application( I show him were I wrote it).  But I must finish this interview questionnaire.
John: I told Mary(our HR rep) that I will only work at (other place), I want to talk to Mary(who is sitting behind us conducting another interview).
Me: You can not talk to Mary, she is with somebody else.  I already wrote on your app to send you to (other place).
John(getting up, out of his chair): I want to talk to Mary(he walks over to where Mary is sitting and stands directly behind her as she is talking to another applicant).
Me(standing up and pointing at John's chair): You need to come sit down, now.
John(sitting back down, looking disgusted): OK, finish your questionnaire.
Later on in the interview...
Me: What other hobbies or interests do you enjoy?
John: I like riding motorcycles, hunting, and fishing.
Me: A bit of an outdoors man?
John(without missing a beat or any hint of irony): No.
Me(just nodding in disbelief)
John: But all the overtime I received in '99 bought my motorcycle.  It also bought me my guns, I thought you should know that.
Me(regretting all the decisions in my life that led me to this situation): Great.
The interview is finally over...
John(getting up from the table): Can I talk to Mary now?
Me(getting up as well to make sure he gets out safely):  No, she is still with another person.
John: When will you let me know if I got the job?
Me: Mary will call you.
John: Can I go talk to Jack(Jack worked at the same old winery as John but now is a boss out here in another department), he was my old boss?
Me: No, you need to leave the exact same way you came in.
John: OK, let me know when I can start.
Me(wishing I hadn't dropped out of junior college): Mary will call you when we make that decision.

Battleship! aka Independence Day 31, This time we have Boats!

    A quick review of Battleship with spoilers.

     The last couple of years I have become more and more disenfranchised with movies known as "Summer Blockbusters".  In the days of my youth these movies were the pinnacle of the movie season and I couldn't wait to stand in line for 2 hours just so I could be the first kid on my block to claim that he saw The Running Man*.  I knew these were not the best that Hollywood could make but they were big, loud, and entertaining.  For me the summer blockbuster peaked with Independence Day.  It had everything a true blockbuster could need; big stars*, big action*, big plot*, and even bigger plot holes*.  After that it seemed that every blockbuster to me was just another sequel to Independence Day.  Sure, plots and settings were different but they all used the same basic plot devices and characters types every year.  The only reason I still go is because it has been a ritual with my Dad and brother to see at least two of these movies each summer.  Battleship was the first of these movies.

     So we start with our hero, in this case Alex Hopper(Taylor Kitsch) who is truly a rebel without a cause.  He has no direction, no ambition, no cares, and no self responsibility.  Sounds like a loser but he is a loser with serious upside potential, at least according to his Navy brother, Commander Stone Cooper*(Alexander Skarsgård).  Right when everything in life seems just so bleak in walks one of God's finer creations to catch our hero's attention, Brooklyn Decker*.  So what does our hero do?  Why he makes an ass out of himself trying to impress and get her full attention.  And of course, it works*.  What woman doesn't want a guy who is willing to commit felonies in order to get her a chicken burrito?  Just think what he is willing to do to get her a diamond ring.  So to summarize, our hero gets his girl, pisses off his brother in the process, and ends up joining the Navy.  Oh by the way*, the girl's Dad happens to be the United States Pacific Fleet Commander, Admiral Shane(Liam Neeson*).  We do get a great scene of Brooklyn Decker straddling(clothed) our hero as he lies in the sand.  I don't know what they were talking about but it was a great scene, and at this point I don't really care.

     So now our hero is in the Navy(taking part in RIMPAC*) and we get an endless barrage of scenes designed to do two things; 1) our hero is still incapable of making smart decisions and 2) everybody is pissed because they know deep down there is a great man waiting to emerge.  We have the soccer scene* with our arch-rivals the Japanese* in which our hero threatens to kill a fellow Navy man* so he can kick the game tying penalty shot but our hero's brother allows it because we all know there is a great man ready to emerge.  We have the ceremony scene* that our hero and his girl(the ravishing Brooklyn Decker) are not only late to but also somewhat disrupt the speech given by United States Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Shane.  But all of this is all right because we know there is a great man waiting to emerge.  After the ceremony our hero ends up in a bathroom brawl with his nemesis, Capt. Nagata* which leads them both into an ass-chewing from United States Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Shane*.  But don't worry, United States Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Shane dismisses every one else from the room and then proceeds to explain how disappointed he is in our hero because he knows there is a great man waiting to emerge.  And also because out hero can quote Homer.  To top it all off, after the fleet has set sail, our hero is called to his brother's ship so our hero can be told that he is being kicked out of the Navy after RIMPAC is over.  Will our hero be able to redeem himself and prove that he is the great man that everybody knows is waiting to emerge*?

     Long story short: the aliens splash down, blow things up real good, kill the hero's brother in the process, and establish a force field leaving only our hero, his nemesis Nagata, and rag-tag group of sailors as our planets only defense.  One way or another all the survivors end up on one boat and float around trying to decide what to do.  For some reason or another, none of the radar or advanced weapon targeting systems work so luckily Nagata has another way of tracking the aliens that apparently the Japanese have been doing to us Americans for years*.  So instead of relying on the technology we have been accustomed to the rag-tag group of sailors must rely on their wits and old fashion know how to save the day. And also a guy named Ordy*.  So even though the alien ships can survive long, interstellar flight, splash down, multiple machine gun fire, and the occasional 5inch gun, all it took was a couple of sniper rifles to shatter their windshield.  If the aliens only weakness was direct sunlight you would think they would forgo the windshield and use whatever technology that their shredders use to see.

     Oh yeah*, Brooklyn Decker is still around and not just as eye candy.  As she and her client go hiking they encounter some security officials* who tell her to stay off the mountain with the giant communication array but purposely leave one of their vehicles behind* to "block the road".  Of course no one is going to tell Brooklyn and her client what to do so they are going to investigate and end up finding themselves neck deep in aliens.  They also run into the last remaining science guy* from the communications array on top of the mountain they are on.  He, and he alone has the ability to send a message through the force field that is blocking all other communication.  But, alas, he was born without any courage so he musters what he can to get the device he needs to send the message but whimpers out* when it is time to confront the aliens at the communication array.  They were able to send a message to our hero that he needs to destroy the array on this mountain or more aliens will arrive to finish off the Earth.  But Brooklyn is on that mountain so our hero is dealing with some serious inner turmoil right now.

     So with Brooklyn's message in tow and their destroyer destroyed in their last confrontation with the aliens we finally get to the reason this movie is called Battleship and not EveryOtherShipintheNavy*.  With an actual battleship it is time to take on the biggest of the alien ships and save the world from alien manifest destiny.  So a 60 year old boat takes on a state of the art alien death ship, guess who wins?  The anti-technology groups that's who.  This movie once again proves that over reliance on technology will be our downfall.  This movie wasn't a summer blockbuster, it was a warning that we shouldn't be so proud of this technological terror we've constructed, the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of poorly constructed plots that somehow have to tie in a 60 year old boat so they can call the movie Battleship.  Oh yeah, our hero doesn't get kicked out of the Navy but is awarded medals for allowing that great man to finally emerge.






*The Running Man- In honor of Richard Dawson, RIP.

*big stars- Will Smith, Bill Pullman, a whole who's who of B-listers, and of course personal fave Adam Baldwin.

*big action- BOOM goes the giant space ship!

*big plot- The aliens thought they could attack us around the 4th of July?  The time of year when everybody is feeling patriotic and can't wait to blow things up.

*plot holes- This is a story for another time.

*Stone Cooper-You just know something bad is going to happen to him right?  Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes there is.

*Brooklyn Decker- I didn't even bother to find out her character's name.  You can go investigate if you want, if it is that important to you.

*it works- If making an ass out of yourself in front of the ladies worked in real life then I wouldn't be cooped up in my room writing this.

*by the way- Big Coincidence #1: The rebel without a cause falls head over heels in love with a girl who's dad is one of the biggest bosses of the military wing that not only the brother is in but also the hero himself is about to join to learn some direction in life.

*Liam Neeson- Seriously, why is he in this movie?  He has little screen time and generic military-boss type lines.  Wasn't R. Lee Ermey available?

*RIMPAC- RIM of the PACific Exorcise is a real thing.

*soccer scene- This scene also establishes two other plot points.  1) Our hero has a personal nemesis in the form of a Japanese captain named Nagata.  2) Rihanna is both sexy and fierce as a fellow shipmate of our hero.

*Japanese- I guess they couldn't get the North Koreans to join RIMPAC even for pretendsies.

*Navy man- Which I am pretty sure would get you thrown in the brig.

*ceremony scene- We also get a little exposition as to the differences between a battleship and a destroyer. Also I think any Navy man who did this in real life would also get thrown in the brig.

*Capt. Nagata- Do you think our hero and his nemesis can put their childish rivalry behind them in time to pull together as a team and save the planet?  Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes they can.

*Shane- Oh yeah, our hero is also trying to work up the courage to ask United States Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Shane his permission to marry Brooklyn Decker so this scene has a lot of underlying tension.

*emerge- Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes he does.

*for years- See why they are our arch-rivals?

*Ordy- Boatswain Mate Seaman Jimmy 'Ordy' Ord- Big Coincidence #2:  So Ordy was looking through the helmet of one the aliens that they had captured and later killed when it suddenly dawned on him to think about his pet lizard who he had taken to the beach this one time only to discover that his lizard didn't like sunlight so naturally when he looked through the helmet and noticed that the visor was just big sunglasses therefore the aliens can not stand direct sunlight just like his pet lizard so he reported all of this to our hero who will probably use this info to his advantage.  Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes he will.

*Oh yeah- Big Coincidence #3: So Brooklyn is not only drop dead gorgeous but she is also an excellent physical therapist who specializes in war veterans and is currently working with a man who has lost both his legs and now is learning to use artificial devices but has lost his will because "I'm half a man and half a man ain't enough to be a soldier" so she decides to take him on a hike up the mountain that the only communication device that the aliens can use to phone home on is located on.

*security officials- Toasted by the aliens.


*vehicles behind- Will that vehicle become a major plot point later?  Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes it will.

*science guy- The film makers did a great job of digitally recreating a young Jeff Goldblum.  Must of been a homage to Independence Day.

*whimpers out- He keeps going on about being scared and spineless.  Will he muster enough courage to save his comrades when they need him most?  Arl of Foreshadow: Yes, yes he will.

*EveryOtherShipintheNavy- Big Coincidence #4- So not only is there a crew ready on the Mighty Mo but also fuel, live ammunition(HUH?), and enough hi-powered torches to cut through the large chains holding the ship to the docks.

Adventures in Tweetland pt.1

   So far I have not been able to get anybody to reply to any of my tweets(not even my own cousin) which could mean one of two things:
1) I am incredibly boring*.
2) I am so much further advanced in my way of thinking that others don't have the first clue on how to respond to such mind-blowing, laws-of-universe-breaking questions*.

...........yeah, I know what you are thinking and I am leaning towards option #1 myself...........my inner child is crying..........sigh......



*boring- How can I be boring?  Just look at all the exciting content on this blog.  I dare you to say it is boring!

*questions- Example: @keithlaw "Closest Athletic to top 25?"

A Post of Ice and Fire

     With the second season of the TV series* almost over I figured it was time to give a quick review of the George R. R. Martin book series, A Song of Ice and Fire.  Even though I am an avid reader I never developed a taste for the fantasy/science fiction genre.  Oh I have tried to get into many stories but in my experience most of the time the authors would be so enamored with the world they created that they would forget to develop any characters or tell a real story.  You would get cut & paste heroes and villains walking the typical heroic journey and story arc, only the sets would be different.  But I kept getting told by anybody who had an opinion that I just need to read Game of Thrones and that it would change my opinion on the whole fantasy genre.  So needless to say I put the Martin books on my to-do list but never really intended to actually read them.  All that changed when I heard that HBO was making the books into a TV series.  

I am one of those people who can not go back and read a book after I have seen it on TV or at the movies*.  Watching someone’s else’s vision of  what is happening or what various characters look and sound like ruins the whole getting lost in a book effect on me.  Instead of my imagination running wild I just keep thinking back to what I saw earlier on film.  So when HBO announced the TV series I knew it was either now or never for me to read the books*.  So I downloaded Game of Thrones to my Kindle and sat down about a month before the start of the first season and read the whole thing in about 2 days.  I was hooked.

 The first thing I noticed was that ASIF(A Song of Ice and Fire) is very character driven.  Each chapter is told through the perspective of the specific character who is central to the part of the narrative being told at the time.  And while it wasn't exactly Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, the different points of view enhanced the story telling by giving fresh perspective whenever the story needed it most.  Martin did a great job of shifting gears to make sure everybody stayed on their toes.  One minute you would be seeing the world through Ned’s honorable eyes, believing that some good can come out of such ugliness.  Then the next minute you are experiencing what a crippled and cynic dwarf is experiencing.  This story telling concept also destroys the typical hero story arc as well.  With so many perspectives eventually you have a hard time figuring out who are supposed to be the heroes and who are supposed to be the villains.  Sure, there are definite good acts being committed and some really bad acts being done but the story is trying to convey the notion that good and evil are truly in the eye of the beholder.  The other concept in ASIF that I really like was that any character at any time can die, and I do mean any character.  Good, bad, pretty, ugly, it doesn’t matter to Martin*, he will off anybody he damn well chooses and sometimes when you least expect it.  This really destroys the heroic journey.

For the squeamish out there you might want to stay away from ASIF.  The story is one violent act after another and the violence gets more and more theatrical and sadistic as the story continues.  Not only is there the standard medieval style of violence(swords and weapons that crush skulls) but you also have some very graphic torture and mayhem scenes.  Burning, flaying, dismembering, infanticide, and cannibalism are just some of the treats waiting for you.  There is also the sex, and not just the Romeo and Juliet kind either.  There are families that practice incest, female minors becoming sexually active the moment they start menstruating, whores and just the generally slutty bending over any chance they get, and more than a fair share of rape.  So those expecting Twilight romance better just stay away.

ASIF is a very frustrating series.  I am glad I read the first three books(and would highly recommend them) but I am disappointed in the last two books written and would not recommend them to anyone*.  While I was able to fly through the first three books due to how good they were, while reading the last two I often found myself wondering if there was something better I could be doing with my time.  The whole different chapters/different perspectives kind of took a different direction in the last two books and wasn’t as enjoyable.  Some of the characters shouldn’t of had any chapters at all while some popular characters were missing completely.  The other issue I have with the last two books is that Martin catches the "I LOVE this world that I created" disease*.  Some of the chapters were only there so he would have a reason to describe endlessly the world in which he created.  So instead of a well paced sequence of events like the earlier novels, we now have too much drag as the story is slowed so we can enjoy the scenery.  Couple this with the fact he only writes a book about every 5 years and I can see why some people gave up on this series.

   So if you have a lot of patience and can sit through two boring books after reading three very good books while waiting for the next book to come out in a couple of years then I recommend the series to you.  If you are looking for something quick and easy or something for the summer then I would look elsewhere.



*series- For excellent recaps of the TV series check out Andy Greenwald’s articles over at the Frathouse.

*movies- It took me 20 years to finally sit down and read A Clock Work Orange after seeing the Kubrick version and my mind still kept flashing back to the movie while I was reading.

*books- Yes I realize that Martin’s story is far from over in book form but considering how long it takes for him to finish writing a book I felt I made the right decision to start the TV series before he actually finish’s the books which, theoretically, he might never do.

*Martin- One complaint I have for Martin is that while I like the idea of anybody can die just like in real life I feel that eventually he gets a little too blood thirsty, a little too sadistic.  Sometimes people survive and get to live in real life too.  Quite happily even.

*anyone- The problem is that none of the books offer any real closure to what is happening so you just can’t read the first three and be satisfied.  There are story arcs from the first book that are still in play and seem to have no end in sight.

*disease- Rumor is that Martin had intended for these two books to be written as one but he decided at the last minute to split them up.  So odds are he didn't actually have enough material to fill two novels so he used a lot of scenery filler to booster his page count.

Where do you go to yelp Yelp?

One day after receiving some really horrible service from my local Burger King I decided to try Yelp.   To be honest it felt very therapeutic to relay to everyone on Yelp exactly what had happened at the Burger King to make me so despondent*.  So after that I was hooked. Yelp allows us lowly consumers a place to vent and praise our consumer experiences so the whole world can see and feel what it is we see and  feel firsthand.  Sure, there are always going to be trolls and fake handles but that is the nature of the online beast nowadays.  You have to take some of the bad in order to experience the majority of the good.  So after a few more reviews; some good, some not so good, I logged on one day to discover that many of my reviews were filtered out by Yelp.  Mainly it was my bad reviews that were the subject of the filtering process.  I was being censored.
I immediately set out to find out exactly why only certain reviews(negative) were being filtered and certain others(positive) were not.  The site policy stated that Yelp runs a complex algorithm that takes many variables into account when it censors a review.  The policy also states that mistakes are expected but you know what, it is too bad because once you have been scheduled to be filtered there isn’t anyone at Yelp who can change it. Apparently they forgot to pay the programmer to allow Yelp manual control of their own review system.  I emailed one of the support personnel and she replied back that yes, it is true they cannot reinstate a filtered review.  Once you are in limbo you stay in limbo.  She did say she was really, really, really sorry for the inconvenience but she hoped that I would still use Yelp even though I had a 50/50 shot of being filtered.





*The details of the review are irrelevant but it seems I was not the only one with service problems from that Burger King.  A month afterwards I went back and a whole new crew was being trained by a lady doing her best Sgt. Hartman routine.  Since then the service has had a drastic improvement.

In Shape City

  So I am trying to cancel my membership but, in effort to combat an ever growing technological world, InShape has decided that the only way possible to do so is for me to hand-write them a lovely letter to their corporate office.  You see, they will not accept any other form of cancellation because they want to be sure it is you and not the evil hackers that CNN keeps warning us about. Fair enough. So you would think that all you would have to do is walk up to the nearest friendly InShape, introduce yourself with a form of ID, and politely state that you wish to cancel your membership.  But no, as I found out, they also fear androids impersonating humans because you cannot cancel in person either, only by handwriting them a lovely letter¹.  I can do all my major finances online, I can even do my taxes without signing a thing, yet InShape is trying to keep it stubbornly old-school.  Of course the natural cynic in me is thinking that InShape is trying to make it as hard as possible to cancel so us lazy folks will just give up trying and keep paying them $40.00 a month.  But fear not, there is a limit to my laziness!  Stay gold InShape.  As for me, I am off to the store to buy an envelope and some stamps. Well maybe after I play some Borderlands first…oh yeah, gotta eat…….and you know what, my knee kinda hurts…………oooooh! Game of Thrones is on later!  Can’t miss that!…………………………..ahhh screw it, I can write the letter tomorrow.

¹ You would think it would be easier for Skynet to forge handwriting than humans but what are you gonna do?