So for the past week or so I have been re-watching the excellent TV series The Wire and the other night while watching a baseball game a thought occurred; what would a baseball team created only with characters from The Wire look like? So without further ado, here is what I came up with.
Starting Pitcher: Ellis Carver . He starts out as a young gun relying on pure physical stuff to try and dominate the players but over time he learns how to harness his ability and use his head as well as his arm becoming a complete player.
Catcher: Thomas "Herc" Hauk. Who else is Carver going to trust behind the plate? They were brought up together and formed that special pitcher/catcher relationship that only the good ones ever develop. Besides, doesn't Herc just look like someone who ought to be catching? Grinds out at bats so well that announcers can't help but to call him "scrappy".
1st base: Slim Charles. You need the big man enforcing if you want to keep that corner unoccupied. He is, what the old timers call, a gamer: "Game's the same, just got more fierce.". That's a heavy hitter you want in the middle of your line up.
2nd base: Preston "Bodie" Broadus. Not quite powerful enough to hold one of the corner positions on his own but slick and quick enough to help man the middle. A true homegrown player, a road trip to Philly was his first time out of Baltimore. Grinds out at bats so well that announcers can't help but to call him "athletic".
3rd base: Dennis "Cutty" Wise. Was out of the game for a while but his name used to ring out so they brought him back to try and help Slim with those corners. Still has fast hands and great foot work as a hitter but there are questions about his desire to follow through.
SS: Omar Little. The baddest player in the game mans the toughest position in the game. Defensively, his foot work is so smooth that he seems to appear out of nowhere to stop the play and his powerful arm has been compared to a .45. Offensively, he specializes in the hit and run as he sprays bullets all over the field and can explode out of the batter's box like a shotgun. By the way, if you are having thoughts about taking him out to break up the double play just keep in mind,"If you come at the king, you best not miss".
Left field: D'Angelo "D" Barksdale. Some say he is only there because of nepotism but he is a solid player in his own right who just wishes he could move out of left field and into center to be closer to his uncle. Makes the plays when he has to but can sometimes take bad routes or make the wrong decision on how to handle something that is hit directly over his head. Can be solid at the plate but often over thinks it and starts chasing out of the zone.
Center field: Russell "Stringer" Bell. So smooth and precise in his positioning and route running that sometimes he makes it look too easy. An intelligent defender who often has to make up for the periodic out of control play of his outfield mates. He is the most patient batter on the team as he knows all he has to do is wait for his pitch and big things will follow.
Right field: Avon Barksdale. Is the best player in the outfield and should be in center but you know, he is just a gangsta I suppose... and he wants his corner outfield spot. Is quick with the bat but sometimes needs a pinch hitter like Anton "Stinkum" Artis or Roland "Wee-Bey" Brice to do his heavy hitting for him.
Closer: Marlo "Black" Stanfield. A young player who comes in at the end to take over the game but in order for him to do that...
Set up men(woman): Chris Partlow & Snoop Pearson. They are the ones who come in when the game is on the line and clear out the situation so Marlo can come in at the end and take all the credit and the money.
Utility player: Leander Sydnor. Always there on the bench in case you need him for something.
Manager: Jimmy McNulty. Nobody knows how to manipulate the players better than McNulty. As a bonus, the team can have a daily contest to "Guess which inning McNulty gets thrown out!".
Bench coach: Bunk Moreland. Always gets stuck cleaning up McNulty's messes. The two can communicate through the whole game just by saying various tones of "Mother Fucker".
Pitching coach: Howard "Bunny" Colvin. Was instrumental in getting Carver to become the complete package. Set up a bull pen area away from the fans.
Hitting coach: Kima Greggs. Had to put her somewhere.
Conditioning coach: Cedric Daniels. Seriously, have you seen his abs?
GM: Proposition Joe Stewart. "Fools, if it wasn't for Sabean here, you and your back up catcher both would be cadaverous motherfuckers. But I traded you to the Giants.".
Asst. GM: Lester Freamon. By constantly listening to all the outside chatter he tells the team which players to go after.
Stats guy: Roland "Prez" Pryzbylewski. Is really good at number puzzles and math. Besides, he married the owner's daughter.
Owner: Stan Valchek. White, old school, old man who's ego keeps getting in the way of what has to be done. Did I mention he is white?
Other MLB type jobs for The Wire characters:
The baseball Commissioner: Tommy Carcetti. Brought in to help make baseball the American Pastime again.
Head of the Players Association: Frank Sobotka. He only wants what is best for his guys.
The tweet-loving wife of the manager: Beadie Russell. @mrsMcNulty.
The hot hitting prospect: Michael Lee. Only a matter of time before he takes over.
The mega-agent: Clay Davis. "You want my guy to give a hometown discount, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!".
The asshole lawyer who owns a team that claims to have the territorial rights to all the rich counties in a given market: Maury Levy. "...kill all the lawyers." -Shakespeare Henry VI.
The guy who goes around collecting all the used "souvenir" cups to sell them at a flea market later: Bubbles.
The kid who wants to buy those used "souvenir" cups at the flea market: Duquan "Dukie" Weems.
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