Adventures in Tweetland pt.1

   So far I have not been able to get anybody to reply to any of my tweets(not even my own cousin) which could mean one of two things:
1) I am incredibly boring*.
2) I am so much further advanced in my way of thinking that others don't have the first clue on how to respond to such mind-blowing, laws-of-universe-breaking questions*.

...........yeah, I know what you are thinking and I am leaning towards option #1 myself...........my inner child is crying..........sigh......



*boring- How can I be boring?  Just look at all the exciting content on this blog.  I dare you to say it is boring!

*questions- Example: @keithlaw "Closest Athletic to top 25?"

A Post of Ice and Fire

     With the second season of the TV series* almost over I figured it was time to give a quick review of the George R. R. Martin book series, A Song of Ice and Fire.  Even though I am an avid reader I never developed a taste for the fantasy/science fiction genre.  Oh I have tried to get into many stories but in my experience most of the time the authors would be so enamored with the world they created that they would forget to develop any characters or tell a real story.  You would get cut & paste heroes and villains walking the typical heroic journey and story arc, only the sets would be different.  But I kept getting told by anybody who had an opinion that I just need to read Game of Thrones and that it would change my opinion on the whole fantasy genre.  So needless to say I put the Martin books on my to-do list but never really intended to actually read them.  All that changed when I heard that HBO was making the books into a TV series.  

I am one of those people who can not go back and read a book after I have seen it on TV or at the movies*.  Watching someone’s else’s vision of  what is happening or what various characters look and sound like ruins the whole getting lost in a book effect on me.  Instead of my imagination running wild I just keep thinking back to what I saw earlier on film.  So when HBO announced the TV series I knew it was either now or never for me to read the books*.  So I downloaded Game of Thrones to my Kindle and sat down about a month before the start of the first season and read the whole thing in about 2 days.  I was hooked.

 The first thing I noticed was that ASIF(A Song of Ice and Fire) is very character driven.  Each chapter is told through the perspective of the specific character who is central to the part of the narrative being told at the time.  And while it wasn't exactly Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, the different points of view enhanced the story telling by giving fresh perspective whenever the story needed it most.  Martin did a great job of shifting gears to make sure everybody stayed on their toes.  One minute you would be seeing the world through Ned’s honorable eyes, believing that some good can come out of such ugliness.  Then the next minute you are experiencing what a crippled and cynic dwarf is experiencing.  This story telling concept also destroys the typical hero story arc as well.  With so many perspectives eventually you have a hard time figuring out who are supposed to be the heroes and who are supposed to be the villains.  Sure, there are definite good acts being committed and some really bad acts being done but the story is trying to convey the notion that good and evil are truly in the eye of the beholder.  The other concept in ASIF that I really like was that any character at any time can die, and I do mean any character.  Good, bad, pretty, ugly, it doesn’t matter to Martin*, he will off anybody he damn well chooses and sometimes when you least expect it.  This really destroys the heroic journey.

For the squeamish out there you might want to stay away from ASIF.  The story is one violent act after another and the violence gets more and more theatrical and sadistic as the story continues.  Not only is there the standard medieval style of violence(swords and weapons that crush skulls) but you also have some very graphic torture and mayhem scenes.  Burning, flaying, dismembering, infanticide, and cannibalism are just some of the treats waiting for you.  There is also the sex, and not just the Romeo and Juliet kind either.  There are families that practice incest, female minors becoming sexually active the moment they start menstruating, whores and just the generally slutty bending over any chance they get, and more than a fair share of rape.  So those expecting Twilight romance better just stay away.

ASIF is a very frustrating series.  I am glad I read the first three books(and would highly recommend them) but I am disappointed in the last two books written and would not recommend them to anyone*.  While I was able to fly through the first three books due to how good they were, while reading the last two I often found myself wondering if there was something better I could be doing with my time.  The whole different chapters/different perspectives kind of took a different direction in the last two books and wasn’t as enjoyable.  Some of the characters shouldn’t of had any chapters at all while some popular characters were missing completely.  The other issue I have with the last two books is that Martin catches the "I LOVE this world that I created" disease*.  Some of the chapters were only there so he would have a reason to describe endlessly the world in which he created.  So instead of a well paced sequence of events like the earlier novels, we now have too much drag as the story is slowed so we can enjoy the scenery.  Couple this with the fact he only writes a book about every 5 years and I can see why some people gave up on this series.

   So if you have a lot of patience and can sit through two boring books after reading three very good books while waiting for the next book to come out in a couple of years then I recommend the series to you.  If you are looking for something quick and easy or something for the summer then I would look elsewhere.



*series- For excellent recaps of the TV series check out Andy Greenwald’s articles over at the Frathouse.

*movies- It took me 20 years to finally sit down and read A Clock Work Orange after seeing the Kubrick version and my mind still kept flashing back to the movie while I was reading.

*books- Yes I realize that Martin’s story is far from over in book form but considering how long it takes for him to finish writing a book I felt I made the right decision to start the TV series before he actually finish’s the books which, theoretically, he might never do.

*Martin- One complaint I have for Martin is that while I like the idea of anybody can die just like in real life I feel that eventually he gets a little too blood thirsty, a little too sadistic.  Sometimes people survive and get to live in real life too.  Quite happily even.

*anyone- The problem is that none of the books offer any real closure to what is happening so you just can’t read the first three and be satisfied.  There are story arcs from the first book that are still in play and seem to have no end in sight.

*disease- Rumor is that Martin had intended for these two books to be written as one but he decided at the last minute to split them up.  So odds are he didn't actually have enough material to fill two novels so he used a lot of scenery filler to booster his page count.

Where do you go to yelp Yelp?

One day after receiving some really horrible service from my local Burger King I decided to try Yelp.   To be honest it felt very therapeutic to relay to everyone on Yelp exactly what had happened at the Burger King to make me so despondent*.  So after that I was hooked. Yelp allows us lowly consumers a place to vent and praise our consumer experiences so the whole world can see and feel what it is we see and  feel firsthand.  Sure, there are always going to be trolls and fake handles but that is the nature of the online beast nowadays.  You have to take some of the bad in order to experience the majority of the good.  So after a few more reviews; some good, some not so good, I logged on one day to discover that many of my reviews were filtered out by Yelp.  Mainly it was my bad reviews that were the subject of the filtering process.  I was being censored.
I immediately set out to find out exactly why only certain reviews(negative) were being filtered and certain others(positive) were not.  The site policy stated that Yelp runs a complex algorithm that takes many variables into account when it censors a review.  The policy also states that mistakes are expected but you know what, it is too bad because once you have been scheduled to be filtered there isn’t anyone at Yelp who can change it. Apparently they forgot to pay the programmer to allow Yelp manual control of their own review system.  I emailed one of the support personnel and she replied back that yes, it is true they cannot reinstate a filtered review.  Once you are in limbo you stay in limbo.  She did say she was really, really, really sorry for the inconvenience but she hoped that I would still use Yelp even though I had a 50/50 shot of being filtered.





*The details of the review are irrelevant but it seems I was not the only one with service problems from that Burger King.  A month afterwards I went back and a whole new crew was being trained by a lady doing her best Sgt. Hartman routine.  Since then the service has had a drastic improvement.

In Shape City

  So I am trying to cancel my membership but, in effort to combat an ever growing technological world, InShape has decided that the only way possible to do so is for me to hand-write them a lovely letter to their corporate office.  You see, they will not accept any other form of cancellation because they want to be sure it is you and not the evil hackers that CNN keeps warning us about. Fair enough. So you would think that all you would have to do is walk up to the nearest friendly InShape, introduce yourself with a form of ID, and politely state that you wish to cancel your membership.  But no, as I found out, they also fear androids impersonating humans because you cannot cancel in person either, only by handwriting them a lovely letter¹.  I can do all my major finances online, I can even do my taxes without signing a thing, yet InShape is trying to keep it stubbornly old-school.  Of course the natural cynic in me is thinking that InShape is trying to make it as hard as possible to cancel so us lazy folks will just give up trying and keep paying them $40.00 a month.  But fear not, there is a limit to my laziness!  Stay gold InShape.  As for me, I am off to the store to buy an envelope and some stamps. Well maybe after I play some Borderlands first…oh yeah, gotta eat…….and you know what, my knee kinda hurts…………oooooh! Game of Thrones is on later!  Can’t miss that!…………………………..ahhh screw it, I can write the letter tomorrow.

¹ You would think it would be easier for Skynet to forge handwriting than humans but what are you gonna do?