How Not to Answer at your Job Interview

   This interview actually happened today.  I was interviewing people to work during our harvest season at the winery I am a foreman at.  Everything said is true but I changed the names in order to protect the stupid.  Final note, I am younger than John, which seemed to bother him.


Me(interviewer): Have you worked at a winery before?
John(interviewee): Let me ask you something?
Me: Go ahead.
John: Have you ever worked at a winery before?
Me(smiling): I work at this winery(I pointed with a downward motion).
John(looking exasperated): No, I mean work at a winery?
Me(no longer smiling): Yes, I am the lead foreman for the cellar department at this winery.
John(sarcastically): But all you do is sit in an air conditioned office all day?
Me: No, I am a working foreman.
John(very smug look on his face): Well I have 12 years of winery experience.
Me: Well I have 20(which is true). (John's smug look disappears)
John: I don't really want to be here.
Me: Then why are you here?
John: I want to work at (our other facility), I don't want any of that union bullshit(our other facility is non-union while we are union).
Me(still no longer smiling): I don't think that will be a problem.  Look, I will write "send him to (other place)" on your application( I show him were I wrote it).  But I must finish this interview questionnaire.
John: I told Mary(our HR rep) that I will only work at (other place), I want to talk to Mary(who is sitting behind us conducting another interview).
Me: You can not talk to Mary, she is with somebody else.  I already wrote on your app to send you to (other place).
John(getting up, out of his chair): I want to talk to Mary(he walks over to where Mary is sitting and stands directly behind her as she is talking to another applicant).
Me(standing up and pointing at John's chair): You need to come sit down, now.
John(sitting back down, looking disgusted): OK, finish your questionnaire.
Later on in the interview...
Me: What other hobbies or interests do you enjoy?
John: I like riding motorcycles, hunting, and fishing.
Me: A bit of an outdoors man?
John(without missing a beat or any hint of irony): No.
Me(just nodding in disbelief)
John: But all the overtime I received in '99 bought my motorcycle.  It also bought me my guns, I thought you should know that.
Me(regretting all the decisions in my life that led me to this situation): Great.
The interview is finally over...
John(getting up from the table): Can I talk to Mary now?
Me(getting up as well to make sure he gets out safely):  No, she is still with another person.
John: When will you let me know if I got the job?
Me: Mary will call you.
John: Can I go talk to Jack(Jack worked at the same old winery as John but now is a boss out here in another department), he was my old boss?
Me: No, you need to leave the exact same way you came in.
John: OK, let me know when I can start.
Me(wishing I hadn't dropped out of junior college): Mary will call you when we make that decision.